


blame it on the boys

by flatwoods



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, also i havent finished any fic in like. months. and ive never actually finished a multichapter thing, but im several chapters ahead and i have an outline this time round So. hell yeah, how did merle go from knowing kravitz as the dude who cut off his arm, thats been bugging me for weeks so i had to write smth for it, this is dumb as hell but like, to 'oh i like that guy!' in story and song
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-04
Updated: 2018-10-22
Packaged: 2019-07-06 21:22:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,119
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15894387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/flatwoods/pseuds/flatwoods
Summary: “Hey, Taako? One more question?”Taako groaned. “About to sleep here, Mags, but fine. Shoot.”“Does Merle know you’re dating the guy who cut off his arm?”Taako’s eyes snapped open in alarm. Shit. “I mean… technicallyyoucut off his arm, homie.”“Yeah, and you cheered me on while it happened—fine. Lemme fix my question. Does Merle know you’re dating the guy thattried to kill himand instead caused the loss of his arm in the process?”“…No. No he doesn’t."





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> taako is a procrastinating gay dumbass and i love him. title is from a mika song i've had stuck in my head for weeks now lmao

Taako _knew_ he should’ve demanded his own suite.

Sure, he had the best place in the Bureau. And yeah, he got his own room, and yes, he did have a gorgeous kitchen all to himself. And even if he did have his own sleeping quarters, it was just _maybe_ kind of nice that he knew he wasn’t alone—that Merle and Magnus were right next to him, just two doors away. Plus there wasn’t all that much space on the moon. But, he reflected, he probably had the pull by now to make a few special requests, and one of those absolutely should’ve been his own space. Because if he had his own suite, he’d have his own common room, and so he wouldn’t be dealing with Magnus _fucking_ Burnsides breathing down his goddamn neck.

He’d been—well, he hadn’t been _deliberately_ quiet entering his apartment, but it wasn’t like he was particularly loud or anything. When Taako returned from his night out and went to change out of his suit, he’d absentmindedly flicked on the light and had practically had a heart attack from the sound of Magnus loudly groaning _“what the genuine FUCK”_ from underneath what looked like a lifeless pile of comforters. Taako, after recovering from being scared out of his skin, had ignored Magnus trying to sleep on the sofa and gone about his business lights-on. That, however, had clearly proven to be a mistake, because now Magnus was awake and trying to interrogate him.

“Seriously, Taako—where th’fuck have you been going, man? It’s two in the morning, I’m trying to get some sleep.” Magnus yawned. The man looked like a bear who’d just been woken from hibernation. Half his hair was sticking flat against his face, and the other half was a ridiculous rat’s-nest. He was wearing boxers and a T-shirt with a picture of a howling wolf on it—Taako had watched Magnus buy five of those at once from Fantasy Costco. It was the ugliest shirt Taako had ever seen. He kind of wanted one. “Do you have to have the light on _right now_?”

“Yes,” Taako replied, walking through the suite’s common room and his bedroom. He flipped the light on there as well, much to Magnus’ audible disappointment, and started changing out of his suit. “This shirt is hard to unbutton and if I don’t have a light on I could tear it, and you just can’t get this kind of material at any old Fantasy Costco or whatever other shitty retailers they’ve got around here, and Avi’s defo not gonna let me borrow a magic cannonball to get to a good boutique, so for the time being this shit’s pretty much irreplaceable, you dig? Also I’m hungry.” 

Magnus groaned from the other room. “Taako, you have _darkvision._ ”

“…Oh. Yeah. Well, ‘s not as good as regular vision, and I’m tired as all fuck, so. Deal.” As he rambled, he carefully removed and hung up his top. It was one of his more understated shirts, so he usually wore it with something particularly flashy, but the rest of his outfit was uncharacteristically muted as well. The restaurant he’d gone to tonight was in a town he toured in not long before _Sizzle It Up!_ ended, and he really hadn’t wanted to get recognized. Still, he’d dressed in a gorgeous outfit, even if it didn’t really fit his brand. It was a nice place, after all, and he had to show off a _little._

Taako popped back out of the room as he pulled on a T-shirt, idly wondering why Merle hadn’t grumpily smacked the light out by now. The sitting room was clearly lived-in—one of Taako’s skirts was hanging off the edge of his armchair, the cushions were covered in crumbs and makeup smears, and he’d left a variety of books and magazines scattered across the room’s multiple coffee tables. Magnus had bits of armor and half-finished carvings propped up in corners. Across the room, though, Merle’s door was hanging open, his room oddly empty. It looked clean, save for a few empty bags of chips and some potted plants. 

“Hey, Mags, is it just you in here?”

Magnus was sitting up on the couch, covering his eyes with one hand. His voice was rough, and he took a moment to respond. “Uh… yeah? Merle’s off doing his fuckin’ whatever mission for Lucretia or something for another week, and you remember—Pringles got arrested.”

“Oh, right, I forgot Merle was doing that whole thing, and also I forgot Pringles existed.” Taako wandered past Magnus and into the kitchen, searching for something he could heat up. Normally, he wouldn’t dare reheat anything, but he was hungry and too exhausted to whip something up. Plus, the fridge was practically overflowing with leftovers. After discovering that he didn’t _actually_ kill forty people, Taako finally felt free to cook again. He still was avoiding magic, but—when he’d made macarons at Candlenights, he’d warded the kitchen to make sure he couldn’t even cast anything accidentally, and he’d spent over an hour testing those wards to make sure they worked. Post-Refuge, he was confident enough to forgo the wards altogether. In his newfound excitement, though, he’d kind of overdone it. The shelves of the refrigerator groaned with plastic containers of pastries, pasta, salads, and stir-fries that Magnus somehow hadn’t devoured yet. 

“Hey, did Pringles have, like, a real name? It wasn’t just Pringles, right? I feel like I remember something… different?” Taako popped open a sealed container full of sour cherry scones and idly inspected them. From the other room, he could hear the couch creak as Magnus stood up.

“Yeah, I… hmm.” Magnus fell silent for a few seconds. “Well, the brand’s full name is _Fantasy_ Pringles, so, like, Pringles would’ve been a shortened version—”

“Oh! Oh, yeah, that’s probably it. Mystery solved.” Taako picked up a scone and inspected it thoughtfully. “Ango would be proud.”

Behind him, Taako heard the sound of Magnus walking up. Evidently, he was awake enough to steal food. “Hey, d’you mind if I—” Without actually finishing the question, Magnus reached around Taako’s slight form, grabbed the scone out of his hand, and ate half of it in one bite. “Oh man, Taako, these are amazing!” As Taako stared in disgust, he took another monster-sized chomp. “Seriously, that’s _killer!_ Would be better warm, but…”

“First of all, unbelievably rude. You have the manners of an overgrown goblin.” Taako turned to the oven, pulling open the door and casting a quick cantrip to heat the space quickly. “Second of all—” He slid the scones inside. “If you could just, I don’t know, wait for like _ten seconds_ for _anything_ you could’ve _had_ a warm scone, dingus. And third of all, if you complain about my free and awesome baking, I’ll kill you. Not a joke.”

Magnus laughed. Which was inconsiderate, given that Taako had literally just specified that he wasn’t joking. Taako leaned against the oven for a long moment. Magnus padded over next to him and put his significant weight against the counter. (He’d tried sitting on the counter when they’d first moved in, until Taako had seen him doing that and asked him if he was _trying to break the fucking kitchen, dipshit? Is that what you want?_ )

Magnus polished off the scone, looking none too bothered by the cold. “Okay, but for realsies—you’ve come home late as hell, like, three times in the past two weeks. Which isn’t super often, but it’s _noticeable,_ and I don’t know what you’re doing but can you stop waking me up at zero in the morning? I have, like, shit to do. I mean, I don’t know what _you_ do all day, but I have training first thing—”

“Mm, bold words from a man eating free food, made by Taako, for free, with no charge, for zero dollars. I mean, really, isn’t that worth the price of waking up a little early?”

“You know this fridge isn’t locked, right? I can get your leftovers whenever?”

“Oh, thanks for the idea, thug. I’mma make a note of that.” Taako mimed spelling words in the air as he spoke. “Buy… lock…for…fridge.” He snapped his fingers dramatically when he finished. “There. Stored in my brain-vault forever. Say goodbye to your snack zone, sucker. Also, it’s like twice a week I’m doin’ this, my man. Learn to fuckin’ deal.” He pushed himself off the oven and swung it open, Mage Hand-ing the hot scones out and onto a rack on the stovetop before turning to glare at Magnus.

“Also, stop sleeping on the sofa, dumbass! You have a goddamn room, Maggie, try sleeping in it occasionally.” He took a bite from a scone at the end of his sentence, ignoring how it scorched his tongue. The punch it lent to the end of his little monologue was worth it. It was the chef’s equivalent of a mic drop.

Magnus flushed a little. “I didn’t _mean_ to,” he said, looking defensive. “I just, y’know, I was training and I got tired, and so I went to carve something and unwind, and it was a little cold but I didn’t wanna run up the heating bill so I got a blanket—“

“—Magnus, we don’t _pay_ for our own heating,” Taako interrupted, but Magnus barreled on.

“—and, you know, next thing I know I’m getting woken up by you, sneaking in from somewhere and _refusing_ to turn the _light off!_ ”

Taako finished his scone and couldn’t help but feel satisfied. Damn, he was good at this. Magnus reached for one as well, but Taako swatted his hand back. Magnus pouted exaggeratedly.

“You look ridiculous. Look, just eat a goddamn scone and get off my dick, all right?” Taako scooped the remaining scones save for one back into the box and slid it into the fridge. Magnus happily devoured the scone Taako had left for him, but still looked a little disappointed. that the rest had been put away. 

Taako sighed. “Okay, listen. I’m kinda seeing this guy, and he has a… let’s say _weird_ schedule, so we’re tryna meet up whenever. And yeah, that means late nights, but I like _him_ way better than I like _you_ so—”

“Oh, oh, wait!” Magnus interrupted eagerly with a tone that made him sound like a giant puppy who’d just dug up a stick. “Did you go to the Chug ‘N’ Squeeze with him a few weeks back?” 

Taako tripped over his words for a second. “Wait, how in hell do you know about that?”

“Well, I was talking to Carey, and she mentioned that on date night with Killian she saw you with some handsome dude in a suit in the same class as them, and I was kinda gonna ask you about it, but like… I forgot. Anyways, do I know him, or like what’s he do, is he a Seeker or a Regulator or—”

Taako cut Magnus’ barrage off with a raised hand and rubbed his temples. Telling Magnus he was dating someone had clearly been a mistake. “Ugh, I… _hachi machi_. Okay. No, he’s not a Bureau member, he got on the moon ‘cause he can hop dimensions ‘cause he’s the Grim Reaper. Taako is no longer taking questions, get out of my love life, _good night_.”

Taako pointedly did not look at Magnus as he heard him gasp and splutter for a solid five seconds before yelling, _“fucking WHAT?”_

Taako tried to maneuver around Magnus and back through the common area, but Magnus dropped a massive hand on his shoulder. Taako spun around in annoyance.

“Hey—yeah, no, you can’t just end the—you just dropped a fuckin’, _bombshell_ , Taako.” Magnus was practically turning purple. “You’re dating Death? You’re _literally_ dating Death?”

“Yeah, and? I mean, c’mon, you’ve met the guy before.”

“Yeah, and, _he tried to kill us?_ We met DEATH and he tried to _murder you._ I can’t articulate the—the billions of reasons this is a bad idea.” Magnus paced around Taako until he was standing in the doorway. Taako tried to shove him aside, or tried to, but who was he kidding? He was the size of one of Magnus’s biceps.

“Okay, quit—just calm the fuck down, big guy.” Taako crossed his arms. If Magnus wasn’t gonna get out of his way, Taako was giving him thirty more seconds before Magic Missle-ing him. “First off, Death has a name and it’s Kravitz. Second off, he agreed not to try and kill us anymore! ‘S water under the bridge now. Bygones and all that.”

“Oh, well, _bygones_ —”

“Hey, I basically ensured that he wasn’t gonna try reapin’ our souls anytime soon, so how about a thank you, huh?”

Magnus cocked his head to the side and stared unblinkingly for a moment. “Hang on, did you _seduce_ Death into not killing us?”

“I—no, I didn’t… wait. Did I seduce Death?” Huh. Maybe Magnus was right about something for once. “Anyways, doesn’t matter. Kravitz and I are fine, he’s probably not gonna kill me and I don’t even think I can kill him, and I am stupid fucking tired, so get out of my way or I’ll zap you back.” Taako waggled his eyebrows. “I’ve got slots to burn, so like, don’t even fuckin’ test me.” 

(That was a lie. Taako had spent the morning fucking around in the arena with Avi and Killian, just sparring and bouncing spells off targets to see what they could do. He’d recently learned some new ones, and had been more than happy to show off. After all was said and done, he was clear out of magic, but Magnus didn’t know that.)

Magnus either bought the bluff or didn’t care enough anymore, because he stepped back and out of Taako’s way. Taako headed towards his room, flicking the light off as he went. 

“Hey, Taako? One more question?”

Taako groaned. “About to sleep here, Mags, but fine. Shoot.”

“Does Merle know you’re dating the guy who cut off his arm?”

Taako’s eyes snapped open in alarm. Shit. “I mean… technically _you_ cut off his arm, homie.”

“Yeah, and you cheered me on while it happened—fine. Lemme fix my question. Does Merle know you’re dating the guy that _tried to kill him_ and instead caused the loss of his arm in the process?”

“…No. No he doesn’t. But, like, is he even mad about that? He got a new arm straight from _God_ so—”

Magnus laughed. “Yeah, I think it actually kinda worked out for him, like, super fuckin’ well. But c’mon, Taako, you know how that dude holds a grudge! I mean, he’s constantly bitching about it.”

“Really? I just kind of tune him out.” Magnus snickered again, but this time it was quieter. Taako, stepping into his bedroom, could hear the couch creak complainingly behind him as Magnus collapsed back onto it. His breathing evened out as he settled into the rhythm of near-sleep. Taako felt exhaustion dragging at his eyelids too—he’d had a full day, from training to dinner to exploring the small city he’d been in with Kravitz for hours and hours. Taako had never been—again, it was too close to Glamour Springs for his taste, but with the literal Grim Reaper beside him he knew he could just dimension-hop outta there if anyone gave him trouble—and Kravitz hadn’t seen the place for over a hundred years. They’d visited pretty much every place of note, and then some that weren’t of any note at all just for the hell of it. Taako was drop-dead tired and couldn’t be bothered to start worrying about Merle right then.

As he shut the door and collapsed onto his bed, Taako decided to think about the Merle issue later. The old man was out for another week, right? He had plenty of time.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey, Mags, it’s Thursday, yeah?” Taako called from the other room. Magnus wandered in to see Taako bent over lacing up a pair of knee-high boots, his favorite hat already perched on his head, looking very much ready to skip out on a day of training in favor of… whatever Taako spent his time on. His new boyfriend, probably. And, speaking of which—”
> 
> “Yeah, it’s Thursday. And, uh, in case you forgot, Merle gets back tomorrow.”
> 
> “Hm, interesting.” Taako tugged on his laces a final time before straightening up. “Remind me why I care, again?”
> 
> “…Because you’re literally about to go off on a date with the dude who cut Merle’s fucking arm off, dumbass.”

Magnus awoke to the smell of sizzling eggs and pancakes. He stumbled out of his room, sore and barely conscious. The Director had been pushing all of them to the limit in training recently, and yesterday he’d pretty much stretched his body to his breaking point before crashing for twelve hours. He staggered into the kitchen and plopped down at their small table, cracking his back loudly as he did.

“Holy hell, my man, you look like shit. Seriously, I think I just heard your bones break? Like, maybe all of them?” Magnus looked up to see Taako standing over him, one eyebrow arched, holding a plate of fluffy scrambled eggs that he unceremoniously dropped on the table with a clatter. Without waiting for a response, Taako turned back to the stovetop, skirt swishing as he Mage Hand-ed a spatula into flipping thick pancakes while he pulled a handful of cutlery and a pair of mugs from the kitchen cabinet. 

“There’s coffee in the thing,” Taako tossed over his shoulder as he rummaged around in the cupboards. Magnus stretched his arms, popping his shoulders, before standing and pouring himself a very full mug of what he hoped was Taako's terrifyingly strong coffee. He drained it in one long pull and refilled the mug in a single motion, practically falling back into the chair. “Fuck me, I’m sore,” he complained to no one in particular. Taako ignored him, instead floating some pancakes and bacon over in Magnus' direction, because he apparently had spell slots to burn despite their full training regimen. Magnus kind of meant to call Taako out on that, but instead got busy shoveling pancakes into his face.

“That’s turkey bacon, just so ya know. All kosher. But the turkey's just for you, ‘cause cha’boy likes the real shit, so don’t steal food off my plate.” Taako sat down next to him, apparently finished at the stove, and started tucking in. “Which, y’know, I normally wouldn’t have to specify if you weren’t a fucking animal.” 

They finished breakfast quickly, Taako eating just as fast as Magnus, which was surprising. Then again, Magnus had watched him use pretty much all of his spell slots yesterday. He probably just wasn’t as visibly worn out as Magnus was—elves technically didn’t need sleep, right? He watched as Taako pushed his chair back from the table and sauntered into the common room without making a single move to help with the dishes. (Which was fair, since he had made breakfast, but still.)

“Hey, Mags, it’s Thursday, yeah?” Taako called from the other room. Magnus wandered in to see Taako bent over lacing up a pair of knee-high boots, his favorite hat already perched on his head, looking very much ready to skip out on a day of training in favor of… whatever Taako spent his time on. His new boyfriend, probably. And, speaking of which—”

“Yeah, it’s Thursday. And, uh, in case you forgot, Merle gets back tomorrow.”

“Hm, interesting.” Taako tugged on his laces a final time before straightening up. “Remind me why I care, again?”

“…Because you’re literally about to go off on a date with the dude who cut Merle’s fucking arm off, dumbass.” Taako looked up from inspecting his nails, which he’d started doing about halfway through Magnus’s sentence.

“Oh, right, ch’boy figured that whole mess out ages ago." He paused, either for the sake of drama or because he was trying to think of a solution on the spot. "I’m just gonna not tell ‘im. By the way, if you snitch, I’ll gut you. Not ‘cause I care all that much, but like, on principle.” 

Magnus cocked his head at Taako. “Now, hang on. You’re just going to not tell him.”

“Yeah, what’s the issue, homeboy?”

“…You didn’t tell me, and I noticed you were going somewhere pretty fucking easily—” Taako cut him off. “Nah, you didn’t, actually. I’ve been seeing Bones on the reg for a month and a half, I just got lazy.” 

“Oh. So if you were hiding it while Merle was around, earlier, then why do you care at all?”

Taako tugged on a strand of curly hair. “I actually don’t give a shit, remember? You were the one who brought up Merle the instant I mentioned I had a date with Death.”

Magnus groaned. “You think you’re clever.” Then he paused. “Holy shit, you’re serious. Serious about Kravitz.”

“Okay, uh, _what._ ” 

Magnus talked over Taako's interjection. “You don’t want Merle to know because you think Kravitz is gonna be sticking around for awhile. You’ve been together for a month and a half, and you’ve been going out really regularly—too regularly for it to just be a casual thing—”

“Oh my god, please shut up, you sound like Agnes.”

“—and you don’t want Merle to know because you like Kravitz enough that you’re gonna have to introduce them eventually, because you want to see him frequently enough that you can’t just skip out on training and go out at night!”

Taako stayed silent for a long moment before rolling his eyes. “Wow, almost entirely wrong. I’m impressed! Anyways, I still don’t give a shit about Merle, and I've got places to be, so.” He spun around and flicked a hand at the door, spelling it open. A pointless waste of magic, but Magnus doubted Taako was planning on doing anything dangerous with his day.

“We both know I’m right!” Magnus called as Taako speedwalked out of their dorm and down the hallway to the elevator. In response, Taako yelled “Fuck off!” and waved his hand. The door slammed shut in Magnus’s face. 

Magnus grinned. Taako was in deep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> l'shana tovah magnus is jewish cause i said so. also i thiiiink the interlude between refuge and wonderland was a few months long, so i bullshitted a timeline cause i figured taako and kravitz would probably need to be like semi-serious about each other to react like that during s&s, but idk it doesn't matter that much. if i got anything wrong just pretend this is an au with that one specific detail changed cause uh i'm dumb as fuck and can't remember for shit
> 
> thanks for the comments on the last chapter, y'all!!! sorry this one is so short lmao, next one chapter's gonna be longer.. and i'm very excited for it :3c 
> 
> school is absolutely kicking my ass and its only gonna get worse from here but i put off another wip to focus on this one, so next chapter should be up in a week at most!


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “So you’re saying these grand relics—this Gaia Sash—has a nearly irresistible thrall, and compels the wearer to do horrible things, generally things that involve destroying pretty large chunks of the world, and it tried to talk Merle into putting it on by offering him _onions_ that he could _fuck?_ ” Kravitz had a disbelieving grin curling across his face in an almost Cheshire smile. He looked a little better now, a little more relaxed after spending some time doing something other than reaping souls. He looked a little worse, too, but Taako figured hearing about Merle’s desire to stick his dick in any and all available plants would do that to anyone.
> 
> “Yeah, fella, things are powerful, but honestly? They ain’t that smart and they’re kinda gross.” 
> 
> “But you almost fell for one.” Kravitz cocked an eyebrow at Taako. “So what does that make you?” 
> 
> “…Touché, my man. Touché.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> im here 2 give us all the fishing taakitz date we deserve

“So, I’m riding this giant _fucking_ motorcycle, doing a frankly stellar job at not falling off the goddamn thing cause it’s straight-up twice my size, and I’m like, well, the chucklefucks in the wagon over there clearly ain’t coming up with anything useful soon, so how’s Taako gonna singlehandedly win this race and save the world and all that jazz? And _then_ I remembered, oh, shit, I bought this wand out of fantasy Costco a while back--” 

Taako sat perched at the end of a dock, one leg under the over, shiny skirt getting grubby against the rotting wood. Slumped against him was one very tired-looking Grim Reaper, who was good-naturedly listening to Taako explain exactly how he’d saved the world but also looked on the verge of keeling over. His dreads weren’t neatly pinned and adorned like Taako was used to, but were loose and splayed over his shoulders. His clothes (which Taako knew were just projections, but functioned like real clothes, and so got messy if Kravitz wasn’t paying enough attention to fix them) were rumpled and lightly stained in a few spots. His left shirtsleeve was brighter than the rest of the shirt, meaning he’d probably Prestidigitated some blood out.

Kravitz had been late to their date, as he’d come directly from work. Ten minutes earlier, Taako had been waiting impatiently in a secluded corner of the Bureau with a few semi-stolen fishing poles, wondering where the hell his date was. He’d been right to assume the _hell_ part was literal, because moments later Kravitz had torn into reality with a clean slice of a scythe, the echo of a thousand rustling feathers, and a very apologetic explanation. He’d been held up trying to get this one _fucking_ necromancer to give up the names of the rest of the members of his weird gross undead sex cult. It had been particularly difficult, Kravitz had said, because he didn’t want to really intimidate them by going capital d-Death, because _what if they were into that?_

Taako had really, really wanted to hear the details of that particular event, but Kravitz had turned him down, saying that he actually just desperately needed a distraction right then and also “no fucking chance.” So, they’d left to their planned date spot: the edge of a lake a few miles outside Neverwinter known for its unusually cool temperatures even with the approach of midsummer. Taako had to admit it was nice. A pleasant breeze blew across the surface of the lake, tousling his hair in a way he hadn’t felt in a while--the wind on the moon was either sudden and harsh or completely absent. Beyond him, the lake was tinged green from rich plant life hidden in its depths, but gradually shallowed to clear over clean sand and smooth stone rocks at the water’s edge. The dock, a flaky pile of soggy lumber, was less than ideal, but Taako wasn’t too bothered. The weather was nice, he had Kravitz next to him, he had very easily put training out of his mind for the day, and, well, his skirt was washable. 

They’d brought fishing poles, but for now they lay abandoned behind the two. Kravitz wanted a distraction, and fishing wasn’t exactly the most scintillating activity in the world. For the moment, he seemed content to lean against Taako and listen as he rambled on about how he’d saved the world. Which was—well. Taako could feel Kravitz’s hand, loosely entwined around his, growing warmer to the touch with the prolonged contact; could feel Kravitz’s comforting weight against him; could hear Kravitz’s occasional murmurs, reactions, surprised laughs. Whatever was happening here, Taako was very much good with that.

As the story went on, Kravitz, for his part, was the perfect audience. He looked amused and kind of horrified, and that only increased as Taako walked him through the finale of the Battlewagon race—as he lingered for quite a while on his technical win, and then sped through the retrieval of the Gaia Sash very noticeably quickly—interjecting every so often when Taako’s stretching of narrative boundaries became a little too much to believe. (Or when he _thought_ Taako must’ve been stretching narrative boundaries past the point of belief. Some of the shit that had happened was just absolutely fucking wild, no embellishment necessary.)

“So you’re saying these grand relics—this Gaia Sash—has a nearly irresistible thrall, and compels the wearer to do horrible things, generally things that involve destroying pretty large chunks of the world, and it tried to talk Merle into putting it on by offering him _onions_ that he could _fuck?_ ” Kravitz had a disbelieving grin curling across his face in an almost Cheshire smile. He looked a little better now, a little more relaxed after spending some time doing something other than reaping souls. He looked a little worse, too, but Taako figured hearing about Merle’s desire to stick his dick in any and all available plants would do that to anyone.

“Yeah, fella, things are powerful, but honestly? They ain’t that smart and they’re kinda gross.” 

“But you almost fell for one.” Kravitz cocked an eyebrow at Taako. “So what does that make you?” 

“…Touché, my man. Touché.” 

They fell into a comfortable, quiet lull for a moment. Taako absentmindedly reached a hand behind him to pick up a fishing pole, realized he didn’t even want to fish anyway, and dropped his arm around Kravitz instead. Kravitz’s shoulders shook slightly as he took notice of Taako's switch and laughed. “Yeah, I didn’t peg you as the kind of guy who fishes.” 

Taako pulled away in mock offense. “Hey! Y’can’t peg Taako as anything. I’m immaterial!” He flopped over onto Kravtiz’s lap just for the drama of it. Well, maybe not totally for the drama of it. “No, yeah, I totally fish. I’m a dude who fishes.” 

Kravitz looked down at him through dark lashes, his expression half-teasing and half-unreadable. The sun was directly overhead, making a big chunk of Kravitz's face an impenetrable shadowy mass, but fuck if Taako was gonna trade his current position for a little visibility. “You sound unsure.” 

“Well, I haven’t been near, like, a body of water in probably three fuckin’ years, so I dunno if I really fish, or if I _fished_ , but like… fuck it, look, I was a goddamn baller fisherman—uh, fisherelf—as a kid. Not like you can just, fucking, uh, forget how to fish.” 

Kravitz chuckled a little, shifted his legs a bit, and stared out over the lake. “Well, I’m pretty sure I did. It’s a good thing you didn’t plan on actually fishing, because I think I’d be hopeless at it.” 

“You can’t be hopeless at _fishing_ , Krav. I don’t think. Especially given this, like, this is basic fishing, fishing level 0, we’re just sitting on a dock. Prolly wouldn’t even get a single bite, this is free-to-play fishing, fishing Lite—” 

“Okay, now the word fishing has lost all meaning. I don’t even know what we’re talking about anymore.” Kravitz grinned, directly down at Taako this time, and Taako found himself suddenly reconsidering his priorities vis-a-vis sight because _fuck._ Instead of sitting up, though, he just threaded his fingers through Kravitz’s, noting how nice his forearms looked now that he’d pushed up his shirtsleeves. (He’d come painfully overdressed. Dude was always overdressed. Taako wondered if he just slept in his fuckin’ suit. Did the Grim Reaper need sleep?) 

Taako thought about asking Kravitz that. And then, for no reason he could really articulate, he didn’t. He just let Kravitz rub a thumb over their clasped hands and, for a moment, stayed quiet and closed his eyes. The lake breeze was a cool kiss across his skin, and the sun was warm but not too hot, and he knew rot from the dock was probably oozing into his skirt but he really couldn’t bring himself to care. For a moment, he was content to just lie in his boyfriend’s lap and let his eyelids slip half-closed, lashes brushing his cheeks in a universal sign for relaxed-but-not-actually-asleep. 

For a moment. 

…He’d kind of let _boyfriend_ slip there, huh. 

Was Kravitz his boyfriend? Probably, right? How many times had they seen each other yet? He hadn’t, like, said the word before, but who would he even say it to? Yeah, no, boyfriend made sense. Whatever they were doing felt like one step above casual now. After all, Taako wouldn’t be happy on a shitty dock in the middle of absolute nowhere with just anyone. 

In the back of his mind, Taako heard the voice of Magnus _fucking_ Burnsides say something about being _serious about Kravitz._

For a brief and terrible moment, Taako entertained the thought that Magnus might be right about something. Then he came to his senses and told the voice in his head to fuck right off. The sun was warm, the breeze was cool, and there were a thousand things he’d rather think about right now than Magnus Burnsides. 

Taako decided to worry about it later. 

That always worked out well. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh man okay. all right. so i said i was gonna update in a week and then i didnt update for uh like a month and a half, huh.
> 
> ok so here's what happened: i had a few of the hardest weeks ive had in a LONG time, both school and mental health wise, came out of those, sat down one weekend and wrote 4,000 words in a day, reread them, and realized that what i'd written fuckin sucked. i was gonna scrap all of it but a friend convinced me not to, and so instead i've been working on editing it into smth.. uh... useable. i split this chapter up into 2-3 parts bc otherwise it would take another month and a half for me to get it out fuckin lmao, so uh, here's part 1 of the taakitz date. hope yall enjoy. next capter will probably be in 2-3 weeks, or at least thats what im gonna shoot for. thx for waiting thru my dumb ass not updating for forever lol
> 
> also thanks so much for your kudos and comments !! comments especially mean the world to me cause im a fucking validation gremlin ig

**Author's Note:**

> spoiler alert: taako does Not deal with it later
> 
> next update will be soon, hopefully! i have the next chapter written already, but i want to keep one chapter ahead so it won't go out right away
> 
> please....... leave a comment.... i Need 2 hear your thoughts. also hmu on tumblr at eyesprawl


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